he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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