So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
