i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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