I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
and she was petting her beer can
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
