if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
