dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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