How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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