I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
