I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.