The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i now understand why vodka
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!