my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised