Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
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I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
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He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.