Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
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And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
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Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice