Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
