if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.