Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My liver just had a heart attack.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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