Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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