I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me