Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
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Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
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I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.