if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
