you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
