Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
there is glitter all over my balls
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
