Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
