i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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