I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
