So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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