I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
