Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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