i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There's always time for handjobs
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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