Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
