Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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