My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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