Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
