At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
