I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
