fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
