Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
