Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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