and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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