Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
