I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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