It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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