You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
