Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
