dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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