Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
