I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
