Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
