I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We need to get me chipped asap
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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