$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
