What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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