i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
