just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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