I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
