Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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