i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You ate ashes out of my bong
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
