we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
