remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My underwear smells like fireworks.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
