I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
