you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
