Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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