I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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