Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
