i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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