just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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