I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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