he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
