Where did you get a picture of my penis
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
