My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
