We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think I died a long time ago.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
