he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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