yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
