that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
