Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
