going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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