ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
