I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
even my farts smell like vagina
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Oh god it's open bar.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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