just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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