Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
