I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
