Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
