Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
