My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I have fence marks all over my body
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
