I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize