Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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