You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
