I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
